1. Sober karaoke.
2. Routing that pre-CBS Tele for two humbuckers.
3. Working on any project that incorporates whales singing.
4. Hair Club for Men. (If it goes, don’t let it take your dignity with it.)
5. Spandex.
6. Smashing guitars. (Seriously, don’t be a jerk—give it to a kid.)
7. Competing in any Battle of the Bands that involves broken pool cues and garbage can lids.
8. A re-run at rehab. (If you can’t kick it after $30k in 30 days, you don’t want to quit.)
9. Keytar.
10. Touring North Dakota via van in January.
11. Owning every model year of anything. (That’s just greedy.)
12. Standing in front of a Fender Twin on 10.
13. Starting that Air Supply tribute band. (An act Blender.com described as “The sound of eunuchs sobbing.”)
14. Playing from midnight to 4:45 a.m. over the course of a two-week stint at The Loser’s Lounge in Laughlin, Nevada. (Avoid this one at all costs as it was the bleakest gig of my life.)
15. Retiring from playing.
John Bohlinger
John Bohlinger is a Nashville guitar slinger who works primarily in television and has recorded and toured with over 30 major-label artists. His songs and playing can be heard in major motion pictures, on major-label releases, and in literally hundreds of television drops. Visit him at: youtube.com/user/johnbohlinger or facebook.com/johnbohlinger