
John Bohlinger's guitar player for the inglorious show in the double-wide was a pre-icon-status Dale Watson, who proclaimed the stint "the worst gig I ever had."
Fish cleaner, kissing bandit, parasite host, or bad-luck honky-tonk bass player?
Jobs I have had.
I was a fish slimer in Kodiak, Alaska, for two summers. One day the guy next to me sliced off three fingers in the processor ⦠while he was talking to me. When they stopped the line and told us to dig through fish heads and guts to find the missing fingers, I hid in the bathroom and smoked cigarettes never to return to the line again.
I worked briefly for a singing telegram company. They hired me because I almost fit their ākissing bandit" costume, could kind of sing, and was desperate. I'd show up at beauty schools, offices, or parties, dressed in the company's tight jumpsuit, cape, and mask. I'd give my speech, sing the song, kiss the girl, and then drive home to wait for the Gnome Singing Telegram Company to call with the next soul-crushing gig. In return for my services, I got $20 per telegram, exposure to some questionable lip sores, and a fragile sense of self-worth.
I worked in an orphanage in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, for a year. I earned 300 lempiras per month, was robbed by cops and soldiers three times, and I had no hot water and a Honduran orphan's diet. Parasites whittled me down to 155 pounds at 6' 2".
I was a roofer, and I twice nearly fell to my death.
I was a terrible waiter, a dishwasher, a construction worker, a house painter, a tree surgeon, a roadie, a bread-truck driver and, please forgive me, a telemarketer.
I've had some bad gigs, but my best bad gig was about 25 years ago in Nashville. My neighbor, Texas honky-tonker Dale Watson, and me were both nearly starving as we tried to make a go of it in Nashville. I found an ad in the Nashville Scene for a bar that was looking for a band to accompany the owner, who was āa world-class singer." It paid $125āsplit three waysābut we had to bring a PA and āknow all the country standards."
We drove around lost for about an hour trying to find the joint and arrived embarrassingly late to a double-wide converted to a bar. I wasn't even sure this was a bar until I walked in and saw three or four rednecks huddled around a bartender, and a woman in a Dolly Parton wig and sequin gown with what looked like chandeliers hanging from her ears, sitting behind a Casio keyboard in front of a tiny triangular stage in the corner.
The singer/owner was furious we were late and underdressed. We quickly loaded in and set up on the flimsy plywood stage behind her, with the drummer crammed against the back wall. Dale, on guitar, was wedged between a crash cymbal, his amp, and the right half of his PA-on-a-stick. On bass, I was teetering between the hi-hat, my bass amp, and the left half of the PA-on-a-stick.
As soon as the PA was turned on, she launched into Elvis' version of āBig Boss Man." We quickly joined in. Surprisingly, it didn't sound terrible. With a tad less hostility, she switched gears and started Patsy Cline's āCrazy." We hung with her. The rednecks swung their stools around and applauded as we ended. She smiled demurely and jumped into, āWhole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."I fell in with a walking bass line. Dale was doing his backbeat Tele thing. The groove felt so good that I started letting go of the stress acquired while driving around lost (pre-GPS) looking for the gig. Then I started actually enjoying myself and began to think that, maybe, if the crowd grew, she would hire us six nights a week. I could totally support a family of three on $250 per week.
I was staring into space, thinking optimistic thoughts, when suddenly there was a crash, a scream, and then silence. It took me a minute to make sense of the carnage before me. Apparently, my bass amp had rattled the right PA-on-a-stick off of the stage. The speaker fell on our employer's hands, crushing her fingers and long press-on nails, and came to rest on her Casio's now-broken keys.
Cloudy memories are common with trauma survivors. I have no idea how we safely got out of there with our gear after the rednecks at the bar came over to lift the speaker off of the singer/bar owner. Dale and I rode home in silence, imagining what we'd say to our already disappointed wives when they greeted us with āHow'd it go, Honey?" when we arrived home with no money ⦠again. When we parked at our apartment building, Dale said with the smile of a man freshly kicked in the gut: āJohn, congratulations. That is the worst gig I have ever had."
Shortly after that, Dale returned to Texas. Dale Watson & His Lone Stars have built a huge international following and earned honest-to-God honky-tonk-hero status.
That may have been Dale's worst, but not mine. I'm the guy with a shovel following the elephant, up to my armpits in demeaning conditions.
Give up show business?
Never!
PG contributor Tom Butwin profiles three versatile - and affordable - acoustic guitars from Cort, Epiphone, and Gold Tone. These classic designs and appointments offer pro-level sound for an accessible price.
Cort Essence Series ES-GA4 Grand Auditorium Cutaway Acoustic Electric Guitar, Natural Semi Gloss (GA4NSG)
Epiphone Slash J-45 Acoustic Guitar - November Burst
The classic J-45 has been the choice of legendary musicians ever since it was first introduced in 1942. Known as The Workhorse, it is Gibson's most famous and most popular acoustic guitar model. Now Epiphone has released a new Inspired by Gibson"' J-45"' with all of the features players want, including all solid wood construction, a comfortable rounded C neck profile, 20 medium jumbo frets, the 60s style Kalamazoo headstock shape and a gorgeous Aged Vintage Sunburst finish. The FishmanĀ® Sonicore under-saddle pickup and Sonitone preamp make this Workhorse stage-ready too. Optional hardshell or Epilite"' case available separately. A battery is not included. To power your pickup, you will need a 9-volt battery.
Gold Tone The Bell Acoustic-electric Guitar - Natural
Gold Toneās Festival Series: The Bell stands out by blending classic craftsmanship with stage-ready versatility. Its all-solid wood constructionāfeaturing a Sitka spruce top and mahogany back and sidesāproduces a rich, balanced tone that shines in any setting. The slope-shoulder design offers both comfort and clarity, perfect for fingerstyle or strumming. With a slim "D" neck, Fishman electronics, Grover tuners, and DāAddario strings, The Bell is crafted for players who demand tone, playability, and reliable performanceāon stage or in the studio.
A beautifully realized mashup of two iconic guitars.
Reader: Ward Powell
Hometown: Ontario, Canada
Guitar: ES-339 Junior
Iāve always liked unusual guitars. I think it started when I got my first guitar way back in 1976. I bought a '73 Telecaster Deluxe for $200 with money I saved from delivering newspapers.
I really got serious about playing in 1978, the same year the first Van Halen album was released. Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on me, including how he built and modded guitars. Inspired by Eddie, I basically butchered that Tele. But keep in mind, there was once a time when every vintage guitar was just a used guitarāI still have that Tele, by the way.
I never lost that spirit of wanting guitars that were unique, and have built and modded a few dozen guitars since. When I started G.A.S.-ing simultaneously for a Les Paul Junior and a Casino, I came up with this concept. I found an Epiphone ES-339 locally at a great price. It already had upgraded CTS pots, Kluson tuners, and the frets had been PLEKād. It even came with a hardshell case. It was cheap because it was a right-handed guitar that had been converted to left handed and all the controls had been moved to the opposite side, so it had five additional holes in the top.
Fortunately, I found a Duesenberg wraparound bridge that used the same post spacing as a Tune-o-matic. I used plug cutters to cut plugs out of baltic birch plywood to fill the 12 holes in the laminated top. I also reshaped the old-style Epiphone headstock. Then, I sanded off the original finish, taped the fretboard, and sprayed the finish using cans of nitro lacquer from Oxford Guitar Supply. Lots of wet sanding and buffing later, the finish was done.
I installed threaded insert bushings for the bridge, so it will never pull out. The pickup is a Mojotone Quiet Coil P-90 and I fabricated a shim from a DIY mold and tinted epoxy to raise the P-90 up closer to the strings. The shim also covers the original humbucker opening. I cut a pickguard out of a blank and heated it slightly to bend it to follow the curvature of the top.
All in all, I'm pretty happy how it turned out! It plays great and sounds even better. And I have something that is unique: an ES-339 Junior.
The Gibson EH-185, introduced in 1939, was one of the companyās first electric guitars.
Before the Les Pauls and SGs, this aluminum-reinforced instrument was one of the famous brandās first electric guitars.
Itās hard to overstate the importance of electric guitar in shaping American popular music over the last half-century. Its introduction was a revolution, changing the course of modern musical styles. Today, when we think of the guitars that started the revolution, we think of the Stratocaster and the Les Paul, guitars held against the body and fretted with the fingertips. But the real spark of this musical mutiny was the lap-steel guitar.
In the early 20th century, guitar music was moving out of the parlors of homes and into public spaces where folks could gather together and dance. Guitarists needed to project their sound far beyond where their wimpy little acoustic instruments could reach. Instrument manufacturers began experimenting with larger body sizes, metal construction, and resonators to increase volume.
Around this time, George Beauchamp began experimenting with electric guitar amplification. He settled on a design using two U-shaped magnets and a single coil of wire. Beauchamp was in business with Adolph Rickenbacker, and they decided to stick this new invention into a lap steel.
If we put on our 1930s glasses, this decision makes perfect sense. The most popular music at the time was a blend of Hawaiian and jazz styles made famous by virtuosos like Solomon āSolā HoŹ»opiŹ»i. Photos of HoŹ»opiŹ»i with a metal-body resonator aboundāone can imagine his relief at being handed an instrument that projected sound toward the audience via an amplifier, rather than back at his own head via resonator cones. Beauchamp and Rickenbacker were simply following the market.
As it turned out, the popularity of Hawaiian music gave way to swing, and electric lap steels didnāt exactly take the world by storm. But Beauchamp and Rickenbacker had proven the viability of this new technology, and other manufacturers followed suit. In 1937, Gibson created a pickup with magnets under the strings, rather than above like Beauchampās.
āWhen I plugged in the EH-185 I expected to hear something reminiscent of Charlie Christianās smooth, clean tone. But what I got was meatierācloser to what I associate with P-90s: warm and midrange-y.ā
The first page of Gibsonās āElectrical Instrumentsā section in the 1939 catalog features a glowing, full-page write-up of their top-of-the-line lap steel: the EH-185. āEverything about this new electric Hawaiian Guitar smacks of good showmanship,ā effuses the copy. āIt has smoothness, great sustaining power, and an easy flow of tone that builds up strongly and does not die out.ā
Picking up the 1940 EH-185 at Fannyās House of Music is about as close as one can get to traveling back in time to try a new one. It is just so clean, with barely any dings or even finish checking. Overall, this is a 9/10 piece, and itās a joy to behold. Speaking of picking it up, the first thing you notice when you lift the EH-185 out of the case is its weight. This is a much heavier instrument than other similar-sized lap steels, owing to a length of thick metal between the body and the fretboard. The catalog calls it āHyblum metal,ā which may be a flowery trade name for an early aluminum alloy.
This 1940 EH-185 is heavier than other lap steels in its class, thanks to a length of metal between its fretboard and body.
Photo by Madison Thorn
There are numerous other fancy appointments on the EH-185 that Gibson didnāt offer on their lesser models. Itās made of highly figured maple, with diamond-shaped decorations on the back of the body and neck. The double binding is nearly a centimeter thick and gives the instrument a luxurious, expensive look.
Behind all these high-end attributes is a great-sounding guitar, thanks to that old pickup. Itās got three blades protruding through the bobbin for the unwound strings and one longer blade for the wound strings. When I plugged in the EH-185 I expected to hear something reminiscent of Charlie Christianās smooth, clean tone. But what I got was meatierācloser to what I associate with P-90s: warm and midrange-y. It was just crying out for a little crunch and a bluesy touch. Itās kind of cool how such a pristine, high-end vintage instrument can be so well-suited for a sound thatās rough around the edges.
As far as electric guitars go, it doesnāt get much more vintage than this 1940 Gibson EH-185 Lap Steel. It reminds us of where the story of the electric guitar truly began. This EH-185 isnāt just a relicāitās a testament to when the future of music was unfolding in real time. Plug it in, and you become part of the revolution.
Sources: Smithsonian, Vintage Guitar, Mozart Project, Gibson Pre-War, WIRED, Steel Guitar Forum, Vintaxe
J Mascis is well known for his legendary feats of volume.
J Mascis is well known for his legendary feats of volume. Just check out a photo of his rig to see an intimidating wall of amps pointed directly at the Dinosaur Jr. leaderās head. And though his loudness permeates all that he does and has helped cement his reputation, thereās a lot more to his playing.
On this episode of 100 Guitarists, weāre looking at each phase of the trioās long career. How many pedals does J use to get his sound? Whatās his best documented use of a flanger? How does his version of āMaggot Brainā (recorded with bassist Mike Watt) compare to Eddie Hazelās? And were you as surprised as we were when Fender released a J Mascis signature Tele?